Email question from a reader (Jon)...
"I'm curious about prostate massages... is it worth getting a toy for? How intense is it once you find it?"
To date, we have refrained from delving into question/answer style blog entries. It's not that we don't like questions (we do) but Q&A is not a cornerstone of our content. However, this question reminded me of me... and it got me thinking that I might have some tips to offer.
The Prostate Pitch
I feel like I found prostate play late, I was 38, and while I'm happy to have opened a new sexual door I also mourn the years of lost opportunity. Any man who has an unexplored curiousity with prostate play owes himself a trial run... he may hate it but more likely he'll find a new way to experience pleasure.
My advice is to start solo, which necessitates a toy of some sort. The added dynamic a partner brings will likely provide some level of distraction. Once you're ready to kick off the training wheels, invite your partner to play. He or she will have the ability (and digital dexterity) to open the throttle and take you down new roads.
There are places on your body rich with nerve endings like your fingertips, lips, glans, and anus. Conversely, there are areas more sparsely innervated like your elbows, knees, and back. The prostate is more like the latter and is only dully sensitive to pressure.
If someone were to place their hand on your back could you tell immediately if their fingers were held together or splayed? Perhaps not, but with practice and some level of focus you could likely train yourself to easily differentiate. For me, identification of prostate pressure was similar, I had to pay close attention and learn what it felt like before I could find the pleasure in it.
Best access to the prostate is through the highly sensitive anus... which risks overshadowing more subtle prostate sensations. It's like trying to make out the hand's finger placement on your back while someone else pinches your lips. Possible, sure. But a little harder.
When the right amount of pressure is applied to the prostate you may get a sensation in your pelvis consistent with ejaculation, minus the normally associated muscle contractions. That's it... stay on or around that spot with gentle massaging pressure and as arousal increases so too will pleasurable intensity.
Prostate massage is not immediately exquisite in the same way as your dick finding a warm, wet mouth. Expecting instant ecstasy, like your magic orgasm button being found, would be a mistaken expectation. The pleasure is subtle, nuanced, and is increasingly consuming as you give yourself over to it.
Orgasms acquired this way, usually in conjunction with some penile play, are whole-body, protracted, and capable of paradigm shift. You may find your body capable of delivering a type of pleasure you had not previously imagined.
Finding and Using the Right Toy
The Aneros Helix is not a bad way to start exploring, it's what I used. It is of modest size and does not have an agressive angle to it, making it a gentle new friend. It is narrow at the base, which minimizes anal distraction, and can be worked hands-free by using anal muscles. Proper use requires a little preparatory reading and nearly medatative sessions lasting upward of 45 minutes.
Stimulation which seems unoticeably subtle at session start will become very focused and intense by the end. Penile stimulation is discouraged as it can distract attention and eruptively end a session prior to experiencing a prostate's full potential.
A note of caution, you'll need to put something between you and the Aneros' plastic perenium tab; cotton ball, cosmetic disk, corner of a wash cloth, [insert your creativity here]. Otherwise it will feel like a plastic knife carving into a very sensitive place.
The benefits of repeated sessions with your Aneros include; better prostate awareness, prevention of prastatitus, strengthened PC muscles leading to more forceful ejaculations, and mind altering orgasms.
Once you are prepared to help your partner find and massage your new magical spot, issue an invitation or request. What fingers can do for you should not be under estimated. Jane has published a blog entry on prostate massage that is intended for your partner... find it here.