We blog to share our sexual experiences because; it's a fun outlet, it's a platform for dialogue, and our friends and family would squirm if we mentioned any of this at the dinner table.
I'm generally a pretty private person when it comes to personal
struggles, maybe I don't like to reveal my flaws. I know everyone faces challenges at some point in their lives and sometimes it makes them a better person, I believe this is the case for me. My struggle has caused me to
re-evaluate myself and put forth the effort to make necessary changes
in myself to be a better person.
We recently got a message from a
follower of our HotPics blog which inspired me to share my story.
The message was "Have I told you how much I hope to have a marriage
like yours". This was the best kind of compliment and exactly what I
needed to hear right now. We do have a marriage to be envied, today I
can say that with confidence but I'm not sure I would have said that 6
months ago.
Marriage is an amazing union. It is incredible to know, and be
known, by someone so intimately. It is an indescribable feeling to be
connected with someone in such a way that the world just seems right
when you are together. But marriage, no matter how perfect the couple
may be for each other, takes work. I don't care who you are or how long
you've been together, marriage is a living breathing thing that
requires, nourishment and attention. I think all marriages go through hard
times and sadly more than 50% of couples just
give up.
I believe it's hard times that make a marriage
stronger and Dick and I have had some hard times lately. Somewhere along
the way I forgot the importance of cultivating our bond which resulted
in a large gap between us. Sadly, it took something fairly drastic for me
to re-open my eyes and see the incredibly amazing man who loves me
inside out like no one ever has before, that there is so much passion in
his love for me and so much love to give.
We have been working through
our issues together and our bond has become stronger than ever, our
passion embarrassing our teenage children daily. We have a renewed
desire for each other both physically and emotionally that amazes me
everyday. I can't get enough.
I share all of this
because I believe others might benefit from my learning experience.
Never assume your partner knows how you feel about them, show them in
some small way every single day; in the passionate kiss on the way out
the door, the kind gesture, or the simple touch.
I love you Dick, you are
still my dream come true.
We had butt sex and then we went grocery shopping. That's how it works
now. At some point after squeezing the kids out and signing the mortgage,
household chores became acceptable after play.
Actually, it works at the
other end of the sexual equation too. My vacuuming of the house is now
considered "first base", its effectiveness being on par with that of Jose Cuervo. But I digress.
So there we are at the store, walking isle by isle, Jane still with that wonderful glow in her ass that everyone who has ever enjoyed the receiving end of anal sex knows. The feeling is muscle memory of a good stretch, it echos the pleasurable presence of something seductively foreign back there, and can be a welcome distraction from mundane post-sex commitments.
We were filling the wobbly wheeled basket
with mac-n-cheese, chocolate frosted sugar bombs, and acne medicine while still enjoying the
high of our earlier encounter. I'm certain there were inappropriate displays of affection, likely to include groping, but the details are fuzzy now.
The soothingly quiet croons of Barry Manilow floating down from the ceiling speakers were abruptly interrupted by a starkly louder store manager who's nasally tone immediately elicited old memories of both Ma Bell and Lily Tomlin. If PA systems were designed to grab attention, this system was an overachiever.
[click... crackle... squeal]
"WE NEED SOMEONE FOR BACK DOOR RECEIVING!"
[click... return of crooning]
Jane and I stopped. We smirked immaturely and looked at each other with knowing eyes. Then I said, "I'll wait for you here, dear".
From gallery "Anna S Fitness Ball" found on Hegre-Art
Have you ever been doing something completely innocuous, like shaping up with a Fitness Ball, or watching someone else shape up with a Fitness Ball, and had a sudden fantasy pop into your head? Yeah, me too. Except I was scrolling through porn blogs at the time.
POW! Out of nowhere, I now have need to invest in a Fitness Ball (and then figure out where the hell to store it). Never mind the blood rushing to Jane's head... prone-and-ready-to-bounce is Dick's newest outrageous request of his adoring and all-too-willing-to-accommodate wife. Don't worry Dear, I won't bounce you anywhere near the stairwell.
I imagine it might look something like this, but a bit slower and with more rebound. The idea of hurling myself off of our kids' bunk bed directly onto a shock absorbing lady's derrière demonstrates both my sexual inventiveness and my forever 13 year old maturity.
Then, like manna from sexy heaven, my Tumblr dash served up this beauty (click to reveal).
Mercy. So many ways to fantasize about Jane's ass! The tease of that bunny tail plug is almost too much. Almost. I even went looking online and I found some here (in our own store!) and here. This tasty animated gif has been brought to you by Nikki and Nate via their blog Sex And Sultry, so big thanks to them!
Today I found this curious vibrator, which is purportedly the product of an idea sketched by a man and wife on a paper napkin... patent now pending. Not a very creative origin story and the G-Vibe looks like the child of a fun night shared by Split Dildo and Lelo Isla. Still... this video really makes me want Jane to want one!
One thing is clear, I really need to update our Fantasy Box with some of this stuff. Date nights are going to get very interesting in 2013.
We've had sex every day in 2013! If today were January 3rd you might just roll your eyes at that statement... but note this post is dated February 3rd. Now we're talking!
Three years ago, Dick wrote about The 30 Day Sex Challenge, an exercise for couples to reconnect and find creative ways to work sex back into their routines. At the time, we had tried and failed the challenge twice and we didn't make it through that last round either. We don't remember why... it is just more difficult than we imagined it would be. Kids living in our midst raise the challenge level to expert.
We are happy to report that we just played another round and found success! In fact, we have no plan to stop the daily fun anytime soon, some days it's even twice! We found a rhythm and we're really groovin' now, baby!
Each of us has our own perspective on the last month and what it has meant for our self and our relationship. Here is what we took away, each of us relating in our own words.
Jane Says:
The 30 day challenge wasn't exactly planned this go round, we were half way through January and had coincidentally been having sex every day so I said to Dick, "I think we can do the 30 day challenge this time". We set our sites to just do it and do it we did (every single day)! It's funny but, serendipitously during this past month, I kept coming across articles about the benefits of sex and started reading the awesome book Great Sex Made Simple. For me, this served to add fuel to my desire to make it happen, that and determination that this time we were going to make it!
Granted, it wasn't always the best sex every night and some nights it was a bit of an effort to make it happen at all, but always at the end of the encounter I was left feeling connected to Dick in a way that no other exchange could equal, despite what had occurred earlier in the day.
There was also some pretty mind blowing sex thrown in there and several days of can't keep your hands off each other, all day arousal and teasing that was incredibly erotic. My take away from the 30 day challenge is this: life is stressful...work, parenting teenagers, chores, money etc. it can make you believe that you're too tired for sex at the end of the day, but the reality that I have experienced is that it actually helped to relieve the stress of the day and instead of being just another thing on my "to do list" sex became the thing I most looked forward to at the end of a long day. So much so in fact that I go to bed now craving Dick and feeling an almost primal need to feel him inside of me before I can settle for the day. It connects us in a way that nothing else in the world can
Today is February 3 and the streak continues, this time 30 days feels like only the beginning!
Dick Says:
I should tell you that I am deeply in love with a wonderful woman who bends over backward to ensure I am happy. Actually, sometimes she just bends over. Our marriage is approaching 19 years and in that time we have had many ups and downs, times when we drift apart and others when we're inseparably intertwined. I intentionally keep this blog upbeat and positive so it may have escaped our readers that the past couple years have been a little lean for us in the arena of intimacy. Sex has been a consistent priority for us but busy lives have dictated we schedule sexy time together which, I'll admit, has been a bit mechanical at times. Sexual routine can be just that.
Without revealing much detail (sorry), I'll tell you there has been a shift recently which put both of us into sexual hyper-drive. The decision to have sex every day, whatever the circumstance, has been a big contributor to an amazing month of reconnected intimacy which rivals our best days together, honeymoon not excluded. We're all over each other every day; it embarrasses our kids, distracts us from work, and moistens our underwear. We are teenagers in heat. Well... we're like teenagers in heat would be if they also had 3 kids and a mortgage.
There are days in the past 30 that I swore it would not happen; up too late, drained from dealing with a kid's emotional issues, or I was being a total jerk unworthy of love in the sack. But, damn the obstacles, we weren't going to start the 30 day thing over again and sex is just too much fun anyway. No matter the circumstances, we made a conscious effort to connect every day. Love drove the effort... and great love was the result.
Key to our success this time around (I think) is a recent struggle I have had with anorgasmia attributable to medication for an unrelated condition. I have gained new appreciation for the value of sexual exchange independent of my own need for release by orgasm. The satisfaction of skin on skin, open mouthed kisses, and the breathless exchange of lustfully writhing bodies, driven by unyielding desire, has shifted my perspective. I now gain greater satisfaction from things I had previously considered only paving stones on the road to sexual release. Orgasm every day has not been possible for me and in its absence I have realized the potential to experience sustained arousal. Unsatiated desire bleeds into the next day and spawns renewed hunger for touch and attention. By shifting the "goal" from orgasm to intimacy I have improved my own satisfaction and left myself primed for great desire every day.
Thirty days passed, then thirty one, thirty two, then thirty three. We're still having sex every day (sometimes twice) and have no plans to stop. Charla Muller and her husband did it for 365 days in a row... I'm not sure that's possible for us, but look how happy they are! Books and calendars are published with the idea of trying new positions every day for a year, that sounds like a challenge but no where near as hard as Everest. Besides, no one ever suggested climbing Everest would be orgasmic. Pleasure should be easy and having sex every day is not that hard. Go for it, it's fun and does wonders for a relationship.
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